Letting Go of the Pain to Find God’s Peace

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.” John 14:27

“My husband was on and off from his job. I was at home with my youngest son when he came home and wanted out of our marriage.”

Frightened and scared of what would happen, Rose didn’t tell her husband that she was pregnant with their third child. She was a stay-at-home mom. If her husband left, she had no other options.

Rose thought her husband had a difficult time at work and that it was a temporary phase. Eventually, he would calm down and everything would be fine. Rose kept quiet about the pregnancy and waited.

Project RachelWeeks later, there was no sign of a change from her husband. He still wanted a divorce. Rose was faced with telling her husband her secret.

“I don’t want to be married, and I don’t want the kid,” were the words Rose remembered after a final plea to her husband. Things took a sharp turn, and Rose was faced with several tough decisions.

“I knew I had to get out, get back to work and find a house. I had two sons at home. My oldest was finishing high school and my youngest was in kindergarten. My mother was very ill. Everything was falling apart. I wanted a quick way out.”

“I decided that I was going to have an abortion. I told my husband about my decision, and he said, ‘Fine. We’ll go together.’”

Rose was 10 weeks pregnant when she and her husband drove to the abortion clinic. After the procedure was done, Rose was on her own. Her husband left her that day.

“I got to the point where I was in such depression. If a baby sat next to me, I couldn’t handle it. I kept dealing with this over and over. My family knew about the abortion, but I never talked about it. I even thought about suicide.”

In the midst of the chaos, it was the voice of a sweet angel who turned things around for Rose.

“My oldest son came to me and said, ‘Whatever you do, don’t do anything crazy.’”

With those inspiring words, Rose started to seek help and understanding for the pain that she was feeling.

It would be over two decades before Rose could finally let go of her pain. Rose saw an announcement about the Project Rachel retreats in her parish bulletin, but it was a final push from her therapist that made her decision clear.

“I went to a Project Rachel retreat and thank God!”

“I met people who were able to put a name on that shame. They knew what I felt, and they knew what I had been through.”

Project Rachel is a post-abortive healing ministry offered by Catholic Charities. Project Rachel provides confidential help for those struggling with issues of grief, isolation, confusion, and regret after an abortion.

“At the retreat, I found hope, forgiveness, understanding, compassion, love and friendship. They all accepted me, and they encouraged me.”

As a result of her healing experience through Project Rachel, Rose is now a sidewalk counselor for Catholic Charities’ Respect Life program. Rose currently volunteers and prays outside of Toledo’s last abortion clinic and has allowed God to transform her pain into a testimony for the protection of the unborn.

“Let go and let God. Go to Project Rachel to get healing. God works in strange ways, and He has given us Project Rachel for help.”

“God has his arms wide open. Don’t walk, run. Run towards the Lord.”

Hurting after an abortion? Find local confidential counseling at 1-888-456-HOPE or visit our Project Rachel page.

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