I had my abortion over thirty years ago. I never talked to anyone about it, I just pushed it further and further inside of myself but it would come out and slap me in the face and surface as anger and insecurities. I looked at myself as a nothing, not having any worth and I ended up hating myself for all the anger inside of me and how it took a toll on my life. Finally eight years ago I turned to God and cried out for help. He embraced me with his love and introduced me to Jesus whom I’d never talked with before. I committed myself to him and he directed me to a spiritual director who taught me to pray and through those prayers Jesus introduced me to my son, Jeff. It was such a beautiful experience as Jesus and Jeff both told me that they had forgiven me and I believed them but I had to take the long walk to forgiving myself and to healing from all the years I lived in silence. I became involved with Project Rachel and finally after years of never talking to anyone about my abortion I met woman who felt exactly the same way I did about taking the life of their child. It was amazing to know that I was no longer alone with my secret but was able to talk with someone who knew how I felt. I went through the bible study and learned of all the people of the past who had sinned against God yet God called them by name to repent and he forgave them and they went on to become the Saints that we can turn to and learn from as they know too how we feel as our stories are very similar. I found that God doesn’t want us to hold onto our sins but to let them go, to free us from our pain so that we can be open to his Hill and where he needs us in our life. When we carry around the burden of our sin we cannot hear God and accept his forgiveness. It takes time and patience with yourself to forgive and to heal. It took me six years to find peace with my abortion but there are times when something will occur to bring it back but now I know God, his son and the Holy Spirit are with me and I can find peace again with them very quickly.
I had an abortion my senior year in high school. I found out I was pregnant and was petrified to tell my family, so I didn’t. My boyfriend at the time said maybe I should have an abortion.
I was so scared and felt so alone in my decision. I called an abortion clinic and skipped school to meet with them. They assured me that I would be alright, and that I had bright future ahead of me, this was just not the right time to have a baby. I trusted them because they were older than me, I really even thought they cared about my well being.
They told me I didn’t have to tell my parents even though I was a minor, as long as I could get it approved through the court system. I skipped even more school and went in front of a judge with my case. He granted that I could have my abortion without my parent’s consent, and I had it the next week.
I was in the recovery room after they finished the abortion and I remember feeling like I was dead inside. I felt lost, suicidal, and not like me anymore. I lost my self esteem, my confidence, I lost Molly!
The adults at the clinic told me I would have a bright future, when in reality I did not want to live at all.
When I couldn’t bare the pain anymore I screamed out to God to forgive me for what I did, and soon after God converted me to Catholicism. Through the ministry of the church I had found hope, guidance, and strength.
Soon I found out about Project Rachel and joined them on a retreat. Here I was surrounded by other women that had gone through an abortion. I was not alone anymore. I left the retreat with a new outlook on myself and the world around me. I loved myself again.
I still have sad times concerning my abortion, but I learned that my baby was with God, and I asked my child to forgive me for what I had done. I named my baby and began praying for him.
Today I am still healing, I still cry, but I can honestly say I love life. I am driven to be pro-life, and I can only hope to make a difference in the world.
Abortion not only took my baby’s life, but it almost took mine. I am thankful for the Church and Her ministry, for teaching me to love myself, and to live for God.